Oh, you thought your secrets were safe? Bless your heart. See, while you were out here thinking your life was drama-free, my dog and I have been holding full-on roundtable discussions about you. That’s right—every questionable outfit choice, every ridiculous text you’ve sent, every cringe moment you thought no one noticed? Yeah, we covered it. Over snacks.

My dog isn’t just my best friend; they’re my unpaid therapist, my ride-or-die, and my gossip partner in crime. If they could talk, they’d have a bestselling memoir called The Bone to Pick Chronicles: A Deep Dive Into the Foolery of Humans. But since they can’t talk (yet), we just have our judgment sessions in private—snickering behind our paws every time you do something spectacularly dumb.

Wearing this shirt is basically a public service announcement: if you’ve ever interacted with me, chances are my dog and I have notes. Maybe you were the person who said “Let’s split the bill evenly” when you only ordered water. Maybe you’re the genius who claps when the plane lands. Or maybe you’re just that one coworker who says, “We’re more like a family here” while actively ruining my life. Whatever the case, my dog and I have discussed it extensively.

This tee is more than just a piece of clothing—it’s a warning label. If someone sees it and suddenly feels nervous… well, that’s suspicious, isn’t it?

Key Features:
🐶 Dog-certified comfort – Perfect for wearing while spilling tea (or kibble).
👀 Judgment-ready fit – Ideal for side-eye, shade-throwing, and passive-aggressive dog park encounters.
🎤 Mic-drop statement piece – If they don’t get the joke, chances are… we definitely talk sh*t about them.
🛑 Subtle yet effective PSA – If you don’t want to be the topic of conversation, act accordingly.

So go ahead—embrace the fact that you and your dog are the realest duo in town. And if anyone has a problem with it? Don’t worry. We’ll be discussing them later. 🐕💅

• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)
• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz./yd.² (142 g/m²)
• Pre-shrunk fabric
• Side-seamed construction
• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping
• Blank product sourced from Nicaragua, Mexico, Honduras, or the US

This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!